Grey's Guide To Being Single And Staying That Way
by AGreyTwilight
Summary: Meredith Grey is a committment phobic successful neurosurgeon.  Her friends and family are all settled down but that is not something she wants.  Can a charming colleague change her mind?
1. Chapter 1

**I so wasn't going to post this yet. I made the decision to wait until I had at least 70 pages done. I have 45. Why am I posting then? Because I am an easy whore. *glares at Heather, Nikki and Jenny***

**This is different than anything I have ever written before because there will be little to no angst. Yes you are reading correctly. The Queen of Angst is going to do a fic with *chokes back McVomit* fluff. But it will be my own special brand of fluff. **

**Snark + Fluff = Snuff**

**Lots and lots of snuff in this fic. Here is a little need to know info about this fic. Meredith Grey is a thirty five year old, successful, single, rich, intelligent Neurosurgeon who is happy playing the field. All of her friends and family are settled down but committment isn't something she is interested in. She is happy with her life just as it is...or is she? **

**Let me know what you think. I am 8 updates ahead and I will post every other day because I have ICUY and Oh!McBaby currently in progress.**

**This is Rated T for now. There is bad language and lemons later on.**

**Greys's Guide to Being Single...and Staying That Way**

_July 15, 2010_

_Dear Journal, _

_Sigh. It happened. Again. I found out someone close to me is pregnant. Can you believe it is Cristina? The one person I never thought would get knocked up. Then again I never thought she would get married and now she is with child. She is going to be a blabbering, waddling, hormonal, dilating…girl. She told me in the hallway as I was headed to the OR to do some much needed cutting. I told her congrats and don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, but she is going to be one more person in a line of people chomping at the bit to get me 'settled'. Don't they see that I am happy the way that I am? I am 35, rich, intelligent, successful, pretty…a good doctor and a great lay. Also a tad egotistical but that is to be expected in my field of work. They say I need a man. What is this, the 1920's? In this day and time, a woman does not need a man to be whole. Nor does she need children to fulfill some empty place in her soul. My soul is fine and I am all whole and healed…whatever. I do not need nor do I want a man. They will all see that no man would ever be enough for me to settle down will see._

_4:30am_

The alarm blared and I groaned. I cocked one eye open and peered blearily at the alarm clock.

Why the hell am I up this early?

Oh right, I am a brain surgeon, I forgot.

I slapped snooze and passed back out.

_4:35am_

I cracked one eye open and slammed the snooze button five more minutes.

_4:40am_

_4:45am_

_4:50am_

I stretched a little and then looked casually over to the alarm clock.

_5:15am_

Shit! I had surgery at six. I glared at the little unobtrusive alarm clock and promised it death later tonight. We had a love hate relationship. It was the fourth one this month and all four had failed to get me out of bed.

Wasn't that their job?

I rushed to get ready and I flew out the door at 5:40 am, my wet hair not making a difference as it was raining…again.

Lovely weather we have here in Seattle.

I threw my car in drive and sped the rain laden streets, hoping that traffic wasn't horrible this time of day.

6:02, I was pulling into my personal parking space.

Yes, I have one. No, you don't. Sucks to be you.

I walked into the hospital. Notice I didn't run. Why kill myself when I was already late?

"Grey, you're late."

I grinned at Bailey as I stopped at the coffee cart and ordered my usual. She looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"No explanation? No 'Sorry Dr. Bailey that our patient is waiting in the OR but I just crawled out of some random loser's bed and have to have my coffee first'?" She ranted.

"First of all, you want me to have coffee. No coffee for Meredith means the end of the world as everyone knows it as I will go postal and gun down the hospital staff. Secondly, I slept alone last night, which is why I need coffee. I am horny which makes me bitchy. Coffee helps and may I point out that this discussion just added like five minutes to the patient's wait, not that it matters as said patient is knocked out, so this conversation is pretty much moot?" I said.

"I hate you." She said, walking away.

"You love me." I called after her.

"Hurry your ass up or you will be needing surgery." She responded.

Two hours later found us scrubbing out. She kept peering at me from the corner of her eye and it was driving me crazy. But it drove her more crazy that she knew that I knew and was ignoring her.

"Grey!"

I laughed.

"What's up Bailey?" I dried my hands off and leaned against the scrub sink.

Bailey was my long time colleague and friend. She was two years ahead of me and was my resident the year I started. She was now the Head of General Surgery and a damn fine one at that.

"The Chief is making noises about retiring at the end of this year." She said.

I nodded. This I knew. The Chief was my step father.

"Yeah. I know. Should be a fun fight." I murmured.

Word was they were hiring in house and all the department heads were chopping at the bit, me included. Luckily it was a board decision and Richard couldn't be accused of nepotism like he was with my department head appointment.

"I am taking myself out of it." She informed me.

'What? Why?" I asked.

"Tucker and I are trying to make things work and me adding four hours a day to the already twelve I spend here per day now…" She shook her head. "I have to put my family first and…I'm pregnant."

"You too? Is there something in the water? That's it, I am double bagging a fucker before sex from now on."

"It is not a disease, Grey." Bailey admonished.

"That is your opinion." I finished and dried my hands.

She finished drying herself up and threw her paper towel in the garbage bin. She turned to me with a small smile.

"One day Grey, you are going to meet your match. You are going to meet a guy who is going to challenge every delusional thought process in that otherwise brilliant mind of yours and I am going to enjoy watching every second of it." She shook her head and walked out the door.

"Ha! Like that will ever happen." I called after her.

Never gonna happen, you hear me?

Never.

**Comment?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the comments, I love each and every one of them. Special Thanks to the Surgical Language WhorePack. I love you all. We have nightly support group meetings on the cbox. Everyone is invited to attend and talk about our general whoriness...**

_July 18, 2010_

_Dear Journal,_

_Why didn't you remind me how much I loathe family functions? Seriously, what is the point of them? To have all the lovely people you are unfortunately related to feel sorry because they are sure you are going to be the old cranky cat lady that everyone avoids and everyone toilet papers her house on Halloween. That will not be me. For one, I hate cats. Two, I am never retiring so I don't care if they avoid me. Three, I will cut someone who TP s my house. I was surrounded by happy people tonight. _

_Ugh._

_ I would write more, but I need tequila._

**Rule # 2 Never Introduce Your Family To People You Have Slept With Unless You Want To See Them All The Time**

"So, have you met anyone interesting lately?" Susan asked me as she took a dainty bite of her dinner.

I was in family dinner hell.

"Define interesting?" I asked, playing stupid.

"Someone who piqued your interest for more than five minutes." Molly interjected.

"Well I fucked this guy last week and he could go for hours." I gushed, as if remembering last week's lay.

"Meredith!" My dad admonished. "Really!"

"Yes, really. And he was hung like a…"

"That's enough. We are eating dinner." Dad interrupted.

"Sorry Thatcher, but Susan asked." I pointed out.

He rubbed his forehead as if I had given him a headache, which I probably had.

"I have repeatedly asked you to call me Dad." He said.

"Sorry Thatcher." I replied smartly.

"So…Mark and I have news." Lexie changed the subject.

I knew there was a reason I loved her. Then a thought occurred to me.

"Oh God, you are pregnant again, are you? Cause I can't stand the extra months of bitchiness." I said.

She shot me a dirty look.

"No I am not pregnant again. Emily is only eight months old." She said referring to my newest niece.

Kid was cute and that is all you are getting out of me.

"Thank God. So what is the news then?" I asked, taking a bite of my chicken.

So good. That is the reason I come to these things. I am only here for the food.

"I don't know if I want to tell you now." Lexie said all prissy like.

"Seeing as I am the reason you have Emily, you are going to tell me now." I smirked.

"This again? Really?" Lexie threw her hands up in the air. "How many times are you going to remind me and Molly that you have slept with our husbands?" She asked.

I looked shrewdly at Mark, Lexie's husband, and Alex, Molly's husband, with a raised eyebrow. They were both one of my famous one night stands. Not recently. God don't think I fuck my sister's husbands. This was four and three years ago respectively. They were both…talented. Once I was done with them, we became friends, they met Lexie and Molly and the rest is family hell history.

Oh, and both were my colleagues.

I shit where I eat. Sue me. A girls gotta get hers.

"As many times as it gets me my way, little sister."

"Okay girls." Susan said warningly. "What is your news Lexie?"

"Mark's best friend is finally moving here!" She shot a meaningful look at her mother and Molly.

"Really? That is wonderful!" Susan gushed.

"Is that all? Who cares?" I asked. Not to be a bitch…okay I was a bitch…but how is that exciting news?

"So, Mark's loser friend is moving to Seattle. Let's call the presses."

"Oh that has already been done." Mark way he said it, made me take pause.

"Why? Who is it?" I asked. I thought back to their wedding, what I remembered of it. Tequila. Nuff said. I do remember a very talented bartender, if you know what I stifled a laugh.

"Oh Sister Dear, that is for us to know and for you to find out." She taunted.

"Okay then, rectals are for me to assign and for you to do." I said sweetly, reminding my younger third year resident sister that I her boss.

Her eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't." She hissed.

"Try me."

"I would, but I don't do family members." She shot back.

"Ooh, spoken like a true smartass. I knew you had it in you." I looked to Susan and Thatcher. "We are related. I was worried for a minute that Susan had boinked the milkman." Susan rolled her eyes. She was used to me by now. She has known me since I was five.

"Okay dinner is apparently over. Let's go the den and visit for a while before the babies wake up."

Yes, she said babies. Molly and Alex had a two year old son, Jake. They moved fast. Like lightning fast. I slept with him on a Friday, he met Molly on the Sunday after and she was knocked up a month later. See? Fast.

We all got up.

"Mer?" Susan called out sweetly. Oh God, I knew that tone. Time for the guilt trip portion of our evening.

"Yes?" I said tolerably…well for me anyway.

"I have something for you. Well I made it." She said.

I walked over to the box and accepted it when she handed it to me. I opened it as if a snake were inside to bite me. Susan's creations were never pretty but she meant well. She was the nicest woman I had ever had the pleasure to meet. So I would accept her ugly scarf and wear it when I was around her…as long as it wasn't in public. Can't get laid if you look like you shop at Knitters R Us.

I took the item out of the box.

"Thank you for the …." I looked at it. "What is it?" I asked.

"It's a onesie." She said proudly.

"A whatsie?" "A onesie. Babies wear…"

"Okay stop right there." I took a deep calming cleansing breath. And when that didn't work I counted to ten…twenty…thirty…shit this wasn't working."Susan, this might have escaped your notice but I don't have children. I don't plan on having children. As in my ovaries have cobwebs on them and are calcifying as we speak."

She patted my hand in what I am sure she saw as a motherly gesture but I only saw as condescending.

"Meredith dear, you are still young. You just haven't met the right guy yet. You will and then you will see what all of us have been saying all along. It is my greatest hope to see all of my children, and yes I do include you in that statement, to be settled down and married with children before I pass on."

And there it is…I could have said a whole laundry list of snarky things but instead I just patted her hand back.

"Sure, sure." I soothed, trying to fight the urge to rip my hair out.

"Great! So just take this with you and we will start on a whole collection of these so when that day does come, you will be all set."

"Great…" I repeated shakily. No not from emotion but from withdrawl. I needed tequila…now.

"Well let's go join the others." She suggested.

"Do you mind if I just go on home? I had a long day today and I have surgery at 6:30 tomorrow morning."

"Of course Dear, you work way too hard." She admonished.

"I know."

I said my goodbyes and took leave as fast as humanly possible.

I was now swigging tequila from the bottle and glaring indignantly at the pale yellow knitted monstrosity lying on my bed. I was debating between simply throwing it away or lighting it on fire.

Fire, I decided. That was one way to make their dreams for me go up in flames.

**Comment please!**


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